peace, love, no more mommy wars

[begin rant...

With the declaration of January Jones eating her placenta and Alicia Silverstone pre-chewing her baby's food, the 'Mommy Wars' seem to be back in full swing these past couple weeks.  Just when I thought we had hung up the gloves, now I'm doubting this will ever happen.  At least not anytime soon.  And after reading some comments from the many blog posts written about this last week - I'm really starting to understand why this will never happen and it's not as simple as pure disagreement.  I think I figured out at least a few important contributors-

1.  "Fear" or "discomfort" with the unknown.

2.  Lack of knowledge.

3.  No desire to acquire said knowledge.

4.  Ignorance.

I'm sure there are many more factors that breed this divide, but in my experience as a mother (a whole five years of it, I know I'm far from expert status) I really feel that when women [and men and grandparents and aunts and uncles and strangers] are indifferent to each other’s parenting ways – it’s mostly because of a general lack of understanding.  What works for my family may not work for yours and I get that, but do you?

A great quote:

The highest form of ignorance is when you reject something you don’t know anything about. – Wayne Dyer

In general, when we are faced with something that may make us uncomfortable (in Momville this may include placenta encapsulation, elimination communication, home birth, co-sleeping, extended breastfeeding and so on) we tend to act with a quick rush to judgement without really thinking it through.

Some comments I found:

  • I really believe that so much of the crunchy mom shit is for the benefit of the neurotic mother and not the kid. Let’s strap the kid to me 24 hrs a day, and watch his face to see if he needs a crap instead of putting diapers on, and pre chew his food, and give him booby milk every time he cries till he’s 8, and basically anything else that is that most inconvenient way to do anything so they can be the Best Mommy Martyr and look down on those ‘mainstream moms’.
  • She’s still nursing her nearly four-year old child?  Talk about attachment.
  • Holy hell! I hadnt heard of “silverstoning” and I am beyond disgusted! What is she, a momma bird? If the kid cant eat it on his own then I have a great idea…. DON’T FEED IT TO HIM! She will probably continue to breatfeed him thru highschool as well.
  • …she still breastfeeds her 3 1/2 year old, all of her children sleep in the same bed as her and her husband, and none of her children have ever worn diapers.I’m not sure how that worked with babies in the bed with them! Nuts
  • THREE AND A HALF??? If you’re old enough to spell “T-I-T-S,” you’re too old to drink from them.
  • It’s not the co-sleeping thing alone that’s weird. It’s the no diapers plus co-sleeping!!!
  • Agreed. Also you should right about the extremists that use breastmilk for everything…I know a mom that shot it up her kid’s nose when he had a cold. I have also heard of using it for pink eye. Thanks but I’ll stick to the drops the doc prescribes!

So I ask all moms, how do we propose to open the minds and hearts of other women?  Is it even possible?  I realize that we ALL have different opinions on subjects such as parenting, but the judging and crudeness out there in Mommyland is alive and kicking.  And believe you me, I am well aware that it’s not just a one way street attack on ‘crunchy’ moms, this street has many twists and turns and likes to tear down SAHMs, working moms, bottle feeding, formula feeding, crib sleeping, co-sleeping, vaccinators, non-vaccinators, home-schoolers, private-schoolers, public-schoolers, soccer, helicopter – you name it.

Why can’t we as moms just accept that everyone will not parent the same way we do?   Why is that so hard to comprehend?   Why do we feel the need to be harsh and judgmental towards others?  Is it satisfying?  Does it feed our own ego?  Does it help make us feel better about our own choices?  Is it productive?  Entertainment?  What do you think?

…end rant.]

lisa